Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Trying to Keep it Light and Humorous on a Tuesday Night

Dear Jake,

In light of recent events, namely the discovery of Just Like Heaven over the weekend, I feel I must address a few issues. I know there has been much Mark Ruffalo madness the past few days. I go to sleep thinking about Mark Ruffalo, I wake up thinking about Mark Ruffalo, while taking my morning walk I think about Mark Ruffalo...you get the picture. I just want to assure you that my dedication to you has not waned. This is just a little crush, a passing phase. The fact that I have moved Rumor Has It up to the top of my Netflix queue, to be delivered to me this week, means nothing, absolutely nothing. You will always be the Donnie Darko of my dreams--only not, because that movie really creeped me out and still gives me nightmares. I can't handle movies with scary oversized bunnies. The Shining took care of that for me years ago. I'm not even going to link Donnie Darko because even the website oogs me out. I feel I must say these things because, well, I feel as if I've cheated on you, like I've had an affair or something. And for my peace of mind I need to assure you that you still hold the number one position in my heart...right up there with Robert Redford...and Denzel Washington...and the Wilson brothers but you totally have to give me that one because it's all about supporting the boys from my home state and a girl has every right to root for the home team, and in this case drool over the home team--and yes, I'm going to go ahead and include Andrew on this because although he's really not made anything on his own and usually just tags along on his brothers' movies if I didn't include him in the love I'd feel as if I were betraying the fam--that's short for family--I threw in that last link because well, it seems like lately it's been all about Owen and I just want Luke to get a little time in the spotlight.

I girl needs her crushes--even if it's only on unattainable movie stars. It's what keeps her young at heart, giddy, and playful. And you know that ever since the cute copy machine guy quite coming to check our copier everyday there just hasn't been much crushability in my life. I was clearly easy prey for the goodness that is Mark Ruffalo. But I assure you that when Zodiac, your next movie (which is in post-production--and which, by the way, co-stars the one and only Mark Ruffalo), is released I will be in the theatre, front and center. I'll even show up 30 minutes early to ensure that I get a good seat, one that poses no obstacles to my viewing pleasure...okay, maybe not 30 but at least 15. If I weren't committed to you would I have paid good money to rent Proof? Would I have sat through it, because let's face it Gwyneth Paltrow is just whiney and annoying in this movie. If I didn't adore you would I actually know how to spell your last name? The answer to all these questions is no. And believe me, after your stellar performance in Brokeback Mountain (and if I were a member of the Academy I so would have voted for you for the Oscar,) I only love you more. Especially after I saw what you might look like when you're older, with the tufts of gray at your temples and the full graying mustache, *sigh*.

In other matters, it has been rumored that you have a new love interest. When Kelly told me I almost didn't want to know who and plugged my ears so I wouldn't hear her. I just didn't know if my heart could take it. When she told me you'd been seen out and about with Natalie Portman I released a huge sigh of relief. I can handle Natalie Portman. She's cute, a little scrawny but still cute. I was afraid I was going to hear that you were back with Kirsten Dunst and if that were the case I would have to make a weekend trip to the Hollywood Hills, a copy of the recently popular It's Called it a Breakup Because It's Broken, by my side. I'd have to beg you to GIVE.IT.UP.ALREADY. But Natalie Portman's okay. I'm cool with that. Sure I'd like for you to always stay my beautiful blue-eyed bachelor but all things must change. I know that much.

So this letter is just to let you know that you can rest assured--my heart still belongs to you. I'm still crushin' on ya. There's room enough for both you and Mark Ruffalo.

Love Always...or at least until my next big crush,


Blogger Misty Mawn said...

OMG...you have me laughing so hard. So freaking cute!
Natalie Portman...a bit scrawny...LOL.
I added a few movies to my queue today, thanks!
Love this POST!!!

8:59 PM  
Blogger melba said...

That made me laugh.
Interesting to see another side of you...

9:54 PM  
Blogger deirdre said...

Ah, a little lust is a good thing! LOL I have to say that my taste has changed over the years, but cute cannot be denied.

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Irene said...

I am sooo relieved I'm not the only mother who has crushes on movie actors! I watched Just like Heaven two weeks and I loved it.

10:07 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...


Ok, I've really got to see that movie that started you on this MarkR kick! LOL!

10:09 PM  
Blogger twistedsoda said...

I've been crushin on Orlando Bloom for months now...glad to see you find fun in this too! Now I HAVE to see this!

10:14 PM  
Blogger Ali la Loca said...

Now my turn for a quickie confession:

Since moving to Mozambique I have become addicted to celebrity gossip. In so many ways this makes no sense. I am totally disconnected from Hollywood or any other star mecca, I don't have access to trendy clothes or shoes, I don't really have anybody to talk with (other than my mom) about the fact that thanks to Brangelina, Namibia will enjoy a tremendous boom in tourism.

Celebrity gossip for me is a release, the equivalent of watching junk on tv while eating cereal out of the box. It requires no thought, no follow-up, no real analysis or action. I love it.

Cute letter, and for obvious reasons I got *all* your references even though I've not seen a single one of those films!

10:45 PM  
Blogger Laini Taylor said...

silly lady, thanks for the laugh! Yes, Jake... ah yes. But Zodiac... Is he playing a serial killer? Ick! How can you handle that but not Donnie Darko? (I love Donnie Darko, but then, I love creepiness). And I hadn't heard the Natalie Portman rumor. They would just be too adorable together. I have to add that, even though I had to stop watching Grey's Anatomy because of hating all the characters without exception, I do still have quite the crush on Patrick Dempsey. Man, is he cute.

11:06 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...



did you send that letter?


4:56 AM  
Blogger mayseek life said...

a momement of true empathy....just change the name to johnny depp!(or denzel) imagination is grand, thanks for helping me remember it's fun light ease.

6:33 AM  
Blogger paintergirl said...

Oh dear dear girl. You have lightened my day. I too have a current crush-I seem to always have one. I have said mean things about him in the past, but I take them back now. He is about to play the new Bond, and he is Daniel Craig. I have secretly checked out a movie from the library. I feel very naughty.

Oh and Jakey was so so sweet as Donnie. I wish I had a Donnie when I was that age.

Oh-and he is the reporter I think in the Zodiac movie.

Kylie is my better half's crush. And I think it will remain so.

Oh and don't get me started on those Wilson brothers...I think I would pass out if I went to Texas.

10:07 AM  
Blogger baylor said...

This is the best post and totally cracked me up! I am so IN LOVE with Jake! That Kirsten Drunkst was just awful. I can deal with Natalie Portman too, but prefer someone....well ME!


10:24 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer (she said) said...

Fun fun fun to read. You're hilarious. I totally agree with being able to handle Natalie vs. Kirsten. :-)

10:55 AM  
Blogger mati rose said...

you are too funny! i am right there with you with mark ruffalo as numero uno hearthrobby movie star boyfriend. in fact his very bad new movie "apartment 12" graces my dvd player right now... totally worth it only because of the M.R. interview in the extras;) the ONLY thing that makes my crush diminish is that my friend met him and he is short (typical for movie stars, no?). so that would not work for this tall girl. have you seen "you can count on me?", i think his best.

11:31 AM  
Anonymous Nicole said...

This one had me laughing out loud. It is fun to see this side of you sometimes!

My celebrity crush is Matthew McConaughey. And I just heard he and Penelope Cruz broke up... so I'm a shoe-in for replacement.

Except my husband might not like that.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Darlin' T said...

Since I'm from Texas, I totally get the appeal of the Wilson bros. I used to feel that way about Matthew McConnaughay, but then he kind of turned into a weird-o with the bongos and lack of bathing, etc.

I'm curious how you feel about Lyle Lovett. I think he and Lance Armstrong look a bit alike...both TX boys.

1:24 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

sitting here in the pacific northwest smiling from ear to ear.
love this.
i just love it.
kind of hoping he googles himself and finds this letter...it happens you know.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Swirly said...

Mark Ruffalo is a total babe...I loved him in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (dancing in his underwear!)

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought he was a-dor-a-ble in "13 going on 30". And yes, I need to separate the word to make sure you KNOW how utterly babelicious he is. :)

7:46 PM  
Blogger *aimee* said...

Oh my god, you had me laughing with that one...and I have to agree that many (if not all) of your crushes are worth crushing! hehe. :o)

8:53 PM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

So clever and just what I needed on this Thursday morning!!

5:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heehee, you are so cute and clever! Your crushes are yummy and yes, every girl needs one...or two.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

mark ruffalo...


1:48 PM  
Anonymous Morgan said...

You know, we moved to LA last August and Mark Ruffalo was one of the first *stars* we saw (no we did not purchase one of those maps of the stars homes!) We saw him and his wife and mother-in-law and kids at IKEA in Burbank! So hilarious! He had a hat on and you probably wouldn't have recognized him, but that voice- he's got such a great voice and that's what clued me in that it was him. So funny! He was buying one of those faux-fur mini-rugs that looks like a cut out of a dead animal. I of course, had to buy one too!!

9:10 PM  

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