Trying to Keep it Light and Humorous on a Tuesday Night
In light of recent events, namely the discovery of Just Like Heaven over the weekend, I feel I must address a few issues. I know there has been much Mark Ruffalo madness the past few days. I go to sleep thinking about Mark Ruffalo, I wake up thinking about Mark Ruffalo, while taking my morning walk I think about Mark Ruffalo...you get the picture. I just want to assure you that my dedication to you has not waned. This is just a little crush, a passing phase. The fact that I have moved Rumor Has It up to the top of my Netflix queue, to be delivered to me this week, means nothing, absolutely nothing. You will always be the Donnie Darko of my dreams--only not, because that movie really creeped me out and still gives me nightmares. I can't handle movies with scary oversized bunnies. The Shining took care of that for me years ago. I'm not even going to link Donnie Darko because even the website oogs me out. I feel I must say these things because, well, I feel as if I've cheated on you, like I've had an affair or something. And for my peace of mind I need to assure you that you still hold the number one position in my heart...right up there with Robert Redford...and Denzel Washington...and the Wilson brothers but you totally have to give me that one because it's all about supporting the boys from my home state and a girl has every right to root for the home team, and in this case drool over the home team--and yes, I'm going to go ahead and include Andrew on this because although he's really not made anything on his own and usually just tags along on his brothers' movies if I didn't include him in the love I'd feel as if I were betraying the fam--that's short for family--I threw in that last link because well, it seems like lately it's been all about Owen and I just want Luke to get a little time in the spotlight.
I girl needs her crushes--even if it's only on unattainable movie stars. It's what keeps her young at heart, giddy, and playful. And you know that ever since the cute copy machine guy quite coming to check our copier everyday there just hasn't been much crushability in my life. I was clearly easy prey for the goodness that is Mark Ruffalo. But I assure you that when Zodiac, your next movie (which is in post-production--and which, by the way, co-stars the one and only Mark Ruffalo), is released I will be in the theatre, front and center. I'll even show up 30 minutes early to ensure that I get a good seat, one that poses no obstacles to my viewing pleasure...okay, maybe not 30 but at least 15. If I weren't committed to you would I have paid good money to rent Proof? Would I have sat through it, because let's face it Gwyneth Paltrow is just whiney and annoying in this movie. If I didn't adore you would I actually know how to spell your last name? The answer to all these questions is no. And believe me, after your stellar performance in Brokeback Mountain (and if I were a member of the Academy I so would have voted for you for the Oscar,) I only love you more. Especially after I saw what you might look like when you're older, with the tufts of gray at your temples and the full graying mustache, *sigh*.
In other matters, it has been rumored that you have a new love interest. When Kelly told me I almost didn't want to know who and plugged my ears so I wouldn't hear her. I just didn't know if my heart could take it. When she told me you'd been seen out and about with Natalie Portman I released a huge sigh of relief. I can handle Natalie Portman. She's cute, a little scrawny but still cute. I was afraid I was going to hear that you were back with Kirsten Dunst and if that were the case I would have to make a weekend trip to the Hollywood Hills, a copy of the recently popular It's Called it a Breakup Because It's Broken, by my side. I'd have to beg you to GIVE.IT.UP.ALREADY. But Natalie Portman's okay. I'm cool with that. Sure I'd like for you to always stay my beautiful blue-eyed bachelor but all things must change. I know that much.
So this letter is just to let you know that you can rest assured--my heart still belongs to you. I'm still crushin' on ya. There's room enough for both you and Mark Ruffalo.
Love Always...or at least until my next big crush,