Friday, June 16, 2006

Grateful Friday or The Sweet-Crazy that is My Life


The Crazy
Do you ever find yourself clinging to the day with clinched fists, heels dug into the ground, tugging on each minute begging it to slow down? That's how I've been all week. This morning felt like it should only be Wednesday, not Friday. Where did it go? All I want is a little more time to get some things done. I have a to-do list that never ends. As soon as I get one thing crossed off the list a few more jump on. I'm behind on updating the Journal Project blog which I wanted to have done by the beginning of the week. I have goodies to get to some of you sweets that are still sitting in the middle of the dining room table. The house is a disaster--and I do mean a disaster. I haven't read a word of Eat, Pray, Love since Sunday. There is wet laundry in the washer that I started Sunday and never moved to the dryer. My computer is still dead which means I'm behind on blog reading and am having to borrow a computer to make posts. It's father's day weekend and I didn't get my dad's gift in the mail which means he won't get it until early next week. Family is coming into town which means the weekend will be packed with activity. I have Netflix movies from last week that still haven't been viewed. Britton had another doctors appointment today--that makes an appointment every Friday for the past three weeks--ear infections-*ugh*. Work has been hectic, overwhelming, and headache inducing. I'll start a project, get distracted by something else that needs to be done, and then, a couple days later realize I never finished this first project. *sigh* I just hate days when, as I crawl into bed at night, I don't recall even being present all day. Obviously I was because I'm here, alive. But I was just along for the ride. It's days like these that I'm grateful that breathing is a natural reflex that doesn't require any thinking.

The Sweet
Even with all the craziness there has been sweetness. There were several family get togethers this week to celebrate Trey's birthday. The mechanics looking at my car couldn't find anything wrong with it which was wonderful because 2 weeks ago I had to put $300 worth of work into it--$319 to be exact--so I didn't have any money left for additional repairs. Trey's Papaw paid to have a new windshield installed--no more cracks or rock chips! My father's day presents may not be together but at least everything is purchased. I have walked every morning for the past 3 weeks (excluding weekends which just don't count.) Every morning this week the sunrise has been different and each one beautiful in its own way. One morning the clouds looked like wisps of pink cotton candy torn off the stick and tossed into the air. Another morning they looked like purple peaks against the horizon, a touch of white light making them resemble snow capped mountains. And yesterday the sky looked like a linen dress--white, light, and slightly wrinkled. I got the dishwasher unloaded and re-loaded tonight. I have taken some time every day (even if it was only for a few moments) to quiet myself and connect with my inner self. I had a fabulous portabello gardenbuger tonight. Blueberries, raspberries, and pineapples were on sale this week. The pineapple was one of the sweetest, juiciest and most delicious I've ever had. Britton and I have had some really lovely moments this week. I feel close and connected to the people I love the most. The struggles I've been experiencing the past month or so are, well, they aren't resolved completely but I don't feel as if I'm struggling as much as I had been. And despite it all, despite the tiredness, the busyness, the craziness, I still feel happy and alive and empowered. I'm not lost in a swirl of darkness begging to be found. I'm just wishing life would let me catch my breathe for a moment. Ah well...this too shall pass...and in the meantime I'll surrender to the sweet-crazy that is my life.

25 Comments:

Blogger GoGo said...

I enjoyed reading this entry. I especially loved how you wrapped it up with the last line "I'll surrender to the sweet-crazy that is my life."

Nice.

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer (she said) said...

It's 4:58 a.m. and I am reading your post because I cannot get my head to be still. I stayed in bed breathing, breathing, trying to quiet my mind and not think about the future. I kept thinking Be Here Now, but I couldn't. But I feel, after reading your post, more here. I am reminded that mindfulness can be just a few minutes long and that's something. I read "I have taken some time every day (even if it was only for a few moments) to quiet myself and connect with my inner self" and my anxiety to have this peace all of the time (to "get it right") is silenced. Ten minutes ago I was in panic mode and now, I'm just not. I needed to read all of this, and to be with you for a few minutes early early in the morning I guess :-) Being here, really here, is practicing mindfulness too. It's a good reminder to try something different when being alone in my mindfulness isn't working. Thank you for your words. They help me so very much - sometimes when I least expect it! Yawn. Sleepy now...

xojennifer

2:11 AM  
Blogger rachel said...

I love the comparison of your week and glad that you put the sweet after the crazy. My whole weeks are like yours, and am learning to let it go, but it's hard. Well done on achieveing the 'sweet'.

5:32 AM  
Anonymous Tickled Pink/Nicole said...

Fabulous post. A long time ago I saw some goofy movie (can't remember the title but I think it starred Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfiefer) where the family played 'High, Low' at the dinner table reflecting on their day. We adapted it to our family and I have learned so much about my husband and boys. The hardest part is not giving the boys advice when they share their lows.

Thank you for sharing your life so openly.

7:12 AM  
Blogger melba said...

That sounds like a crazy seet week. We all pack so much into our days. I have a lot of Stuff to do today, but I want to be playing outside and reading some blogs. Which I probably will do a little of both and let the dust accumulate some more. It is funny how before I had children the mess of my house would bother me more. Now I just let that go because my to do list is just too long!
Hope you have a fun weekend!

8:20 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

...And life goes on! :-) there never seemes to be enough time girl! I just read your summer poem, WONDERFUL! I so love the pictures you paint with your words!

9:03 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

you sound like you're in a good place michelle and i'm happy for you.

xo

9:42 AM  
Blogger Darius said...

Sounds like a life to me...

11:56 AM  
Anonymous bonnie said...

Thank you for expressing yourself so beautifully. Although all the details of my life and yours are different, it seemed as if you were talking about me. So thank you for putting voice to the turmoil inside. Aren't we all just sweet-crazy beings??

12:29 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

a beautiful balance.

:)

4:57 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Beautiful. After all the crazy, sweetness follows - my goodness it's so bright and full of light after all the drama!

And your photos are STUNNING. Seriously, I'm totally awestruck by the clarity and pure beauty of them.

xoxo!

12:15 AM  
Blogger my pink sky said...

i love this post michelle...life is always so multifaceted and contradictory, yet somehow balanced at the same time. you describe this yin and yang so well. i'm right there with you!
~mindy

4:52 AM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

the sweet-crazy.
love that phrase.
love the way you have found the gratitude in the midst of the "stuff" that is not so easy.
love that you are feeling happy and powerful.

8:23 AM  
Blogger megg said...

yes! sweet-crazy is right - and know what I like the best? That the crazy came first so that you could savour the sweet! Hope that your new week stays in the sweet category! xo

2:41 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Mmm, it's so nice to hear you happy, alive and empowered. And in the middle of the crazies too. I'm just sitting here smiling with you.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

OH I love this post, I can so relate, I need to stop and look at the sweet though more.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Star said...

I'm so glad you've had a crazy but good week. I love your descriptions of the sky as you've been out walking early in the morning...wonderful!

I can SO relate to just being along for the ride on some days. It espcially amazes me when I arrive home and wonder how I ever drove there; it just feels like my life is on autopilot sometimes.

Wishing you a fabulous week ahead!

6:10 PM  
Blogger ArtsyMama said...

What a great post. Good for you for being able to surrender. I am also reading Eat, Pray, Love. What a fantastic story!!

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh I am hoping that the weekend offered you some sweet solace from the frenzy-- but love reading how you find the sweet right in the middle of the crazy-- that is living right!

~bluepoppy

7:15 AM  
Anonymous samantha said...

I am now officially adopting the phrase 'sweet-crazy life'. As that is my life right now, but it's good. I'm happy, I just wish I was home more! And...the fact that you're taking time to walk every morning is amazing. I so admire that, and obviously it's anchoring you in the sweetness...

Also, I'm glad I'm not the only person who leaves clothes in the washer for days at a time!

7:21 AM  
Blogger baylor said...

Have I ever told you that I think you are superwoman? Seriously!

I often feel the way you feel in this post, but since I have been pregnant I have felt that it is going so slow that I feel as though I am in the twighlight zone.

xoxo

10:08 AM  
Blogger Frankie said...

What a wonderful balance between sweet and crazy. Isn't so much of life just like this? I can't BELIEVE how much you're doing! You're so very amazing!!! Hope the computer gets mended soon! xoxoxo

10:32 AM  
Blogger mayseek life said...

all that happened and you still touched lives with your posts! you are a joy........

2:26 PM  
Blogger Glamorous Jo said...

Love. It. LOVEIT!

6:18 PM  
Anonymous jill said...

the boat photo is just great!

6:34 PM  

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