Friday, May 05, 2006

Grateful Friday - Keeping My Eye on the Blessings


This week my life has been a tangle of emotions. The depression has hit especially hard over the past few days. Many of the days I've not been sure I could get out of bed. I'm one small step away from not being able to function which is why I find it so necessary to seek out each day's blessings. When the heaviness hits it's the little things that mean so much. I'm determined to keep finding at least something each day to be grateful for. Without that I'd be lost and hopeless.

  • the beautiful images of Visual Voice
  • the necklace I ordered this week as an early birthday gift to myself
  • enjoying the documentary Born Into Brothels
  • laughing through Mrs. Henderson Presents
  • sharing a turtle brownie icecream sundae with Britton
  • having lunch with my friend Irma and surrendering myself to the deliciousness of a Steinwich and carrot ginger soup
  • the last 5 minutes of this week's episode of Lost
  • Jen Gray's beautifully honest post about her own struggle with depression
  • the fabulous Poetry Thursday blogspot
  • Andrea having her blogging sisters' backs
  • Bohemian Girl calling her blogging sisters together to support one of our fellow bloggers
  • making it to the weekend
  • spring rainstorms
  • Britton's toes
  • mangos
  • eating lunch outside and savoring the beautiful weather
  • finishing Sabrina Ward Harrison's wonderful book The True and the Questions
  • Poemcrazy
  • being a mere week and a half away from my birthday

18 Comments:

Blogger mikaelah said...

oh! Happy Birthday early!!! I am so glad I found my way over here tonight. I rarely step far from my doorstep these days it seems ... and for that I have missed so much. I love your list. What a fabulous anti-depressant. I have lived with depression most of my life and I have to say that I attribute my youthful appearance to the years of sleeping I did...kind of like being in a mason jar or someting like that...preserved ... kept me out of trouble and so there were some advantages I guess. :0

9:10 PM  
Blogger Misty Mawn said...

keep your chin up doll...you are so loved!

and it is the little things that mean so much!!!

xoxoxoox

sending you love!!! pure as can be!

xoxox

9:43 PM  
Blogger Misty Mawn said...

keep your chin up doll...you are so loved!

and it is the little things that mean so much!!!

xoxoxoox

sending you love!!! pure as can be!

xoxox

9:43 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

The last five minutes of this last episode of Lost were more interesting than the whole previous season has been. Can't wait to see where they're going with that.

I hope this coming week is better, Michelle. As always, I like your list and the photo.

9:54 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

i send you little moments to stop and take a breath and do something just for you...i hope you really do that my dear.

beautiful list.

11:09 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

only a week and a half from your
birthday?????
that doesn't leave much time!

heehee.

great list
and i am sad that you are sad.
wish i could send you
a hug
in the mail.
:)

12:22 AM  
Blogger dani said...

it's so hard for me to believe someone like you who seems to notice, appreciate and relish so much about life, suffers from depression. you do amazingly well and are truly inspirational.

5:58 AM  
Anonymous bella said...

as always, I love your Grateful Friday lists.. the little things in life you're grateful for.
But I had no idea you watched LOST! I'm like the biggest LOST addict I know! Just made me smile. I could talk you around in circles about that show.

8:00 AM  
Blogger tara dawn said...

It IS the little things that carry us through the darkest days. Thank you for sharing these things for which you are grateful. I am sending BIG hugs and lots of love your way...I definitely understand dear friend.
xoxo

8:53 AM  
Blogger andrea said...

Beautiful list hon and great photo. I hope you have a wonderful birthday (I know its early). Your life is such a blessing to so many I hope it is celebrated in the style it deserves.

I'm also sorry about your couple of rough days. I've experienced depression once in my life and it was the darkest, deepest time I can remember. To get out, I ran. Literally, long and hard.
Your grateful list is wonderful. I really do hope you feel better soon. Keep searching, you'll find more things that will help too.
a.

9:31 AM  
Blogger andrea said...

P.S Lost was fantastic!

9:32 AM  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

This gratitude list is wonderful-

I feel pain and sadness just thinking of the wet blanket that feels so smothering- hindering you from feeling happy and at peace.

Jen's post was powerful.

I also loved LOST this week.

Hugs, Love and kisses
Thea

11:09 AM  
Blogger deirdre said...

I wish I could say something to ease the hard times. You've been in my thoughts the past few days and I want you to know that I admire your strength and talent. By the way, carrot ginger soup sounds yummy. As for Lost, I rented the entire first season during the month after my sister died, when I was lost myself, and during each episode found myself feeling like nothing bad had ever happened in my life. Such an escape. I love your list.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Visual-Voice said...

i am very touched you've found comfort in the images I've posted. I've been in a place similar to where you are, and I know how empty it feels. so empty ~ and I remember, when i was in the depths of my despair, how people would try to say things to bring me out of it, and it was like they were talking through water. I wish I could flip the switch and turn the lights on for you ~ just know there are friends here who are reading and listening and holding you in the light.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

oh love, i wish i could be there to take care of Britton so that you could have a long, peaceful walk on your own.

know that i am sending much love and a warm hug your way.

i wish you a day of deep, cleansing breaths, healing teas, smiling at your beautiful self in the mirror and feeling the love of all of us that adore you.

oh and...i have Poemcrazy!! how fun that you do too.

the last few minutes of Lost blew me away. do you think those two girlies were killed off because they were put in jail for drunk driving while on location in Hawaii??

yummy~list~you.

4:03 PM  
Blogger mayseek life said...

for all the pleasure i have received from reading/veiwing your blog - thank you. i send loving energy your way.

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MICHELLE I LOVE YOU. I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE TALK TO ME THAT SATURDAY ABOUT YOUR DEPRESSION. WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US TO TALK TO THE ONES WE LOVE THE MOST BUT CAN TO OTHERS? GOD AND FAMILY IS ALL WE HAVE IN THIS WORLD AND OF COURSE FRIENDS. TAKE IT FROM ONE WHO KNOW HOW DEPESSION HURTS. NOT JUST YOU BUT YOUR FAMILY. WHAT WE HAVE IS NOW IN THE DOCTORS DX AS A DISEASE WE CAN NOT HELP WHAT WE HAVE. I THOUGHT FOR A WHILE I COULD GET ALONG WITHOUT TAKING ANTIDEPRSSION DRUGS. I FELT LIKE A FAILURE BUT WHEN I STARTED NOT LIKING HOW I FELT ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS SLEEP I KNEW THIS TIME I NEEDED HELP BEFORE IT GOT OUT OF HAND AGAIN. I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY AS YOU KNOW BY THE SUICIDE ATTEMP. NOW THAT I AM ON MEDICATION I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO KNOW I NEED THIS MEDICATION I DO NOT FEEL LIKE A FAILURE NOW I AM A WINNER FOR GETTING MY LIFE BACK. GOD HAS GIVEN ME A SECOND CHANCE. YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS TO ME. WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT MAKES TO HAVE MY DISEASE UNDER CONTROL. I STILL HAVE SOME BAD DAYS WHO DOESNT? MY ARMS ARE OPEN WIDE TO YOU MY PRECIOUS ANGLE. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AS I KNOW GOD DOES AND ALL YOUR FAMILY. YOUR AUNT LYNDA

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello,

You don't know me & I don't know you, but I came across your blog because, of all things, Grace Jones' version of La Vie on Rose is one of my favorite songs. The universe & the internet work in mysterious ways.

Anyway, being about the same age (just had my birthday) and having suffered several major clinical depressions in my life, I wanted to write. First of all, you are so brave to reach out by expressing your feelings, please give yourself the credit you deserve. Secondly, in addition to reaching out to friends & seeking professional counsel & medication, I recommend getting out of bed as early as possible each day and getting outside, moving into the sun, even if it's just a walk around the block. I know it can be such a battle, and like some of the other posters, I seem to have spent several years in bed. That's ok, it may take time, but please remember the sun is your ally. The earth literally does not want you to be in darkness, the sun and light and warmth are here for you. You may feel like your internal compass is a little off kilter these days, but the sun can help lead you back.

Through my experiences I have learned to remember that
-- you can start your day at anytime, it's never too late.
-- Try to do something brave everyday. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is get out of bed or call a friend or post online. Whatever the case, do it and then give yourself credit.
-- My grandmother, a European second world war refugee, told me during my first depression that she got through the war, fleeing with 2 kids through several countries, by telling herself over and over, "I am stronger than I know. Through this hell I am only discovering my strength." Well it's true. We are all so much stronger than we realize. And right now you are discovering your strength as you persist through and are tested by this darkness.
-- The other thing I try to remember in hard times, times of darkness, is the image of a butterfly. So you have spent ages in bed? So what? Let this time have been a cocoon. You will find your way to emerge as a beautiful butterfly, leaving this behind.

Remembering your blessings is also admirable, a strategy I've also used. I also encourage you to remember what a blessing YOU are to the many people in your life. You may feel estranged from life right now, but you are so loved, more than you realize. I know the undertow of darkness can seem overwhelming, drowning, but you will find the strength to come out of the tunnel again.

Good Luck from New England.

(oops - sorry for posting this on the wrong thread first)

8:43 AM  

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