Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Fragile


Fragile
that's how I feel today
I feel like a package that has those words stamped across it in big red letters
I'm afraid that at any moment I'm going to burst into a million pieces
I'm going to crumble and be blown away by the wind
like the dried out paper thin petals of a dead rose
If someone were to touch me
not a casual bump or an unexpected crash
but a pure deliberate hand reaching out towards me
to brush my arm or guide my back
I think I would melt
Fragile
those very words
right here stamped across my forehead
lonely
volatile
empty
broken
shattered
fragile
I don't write this to make you feel uncomfortable
I know seeing other people's pain can be uncomfortable
especially when you want to do something and can't
especially if it makes you look at your own pain
I write this because that's where I am today
and because of that this is all I have to give tonight
the ugly not so cheerful truth of my fragile state of affairs
and it really sucks
I wish I had something brilliant and uplifting and inspirational to share
but today just isn't that kind of day
So why write at all
because I like marking my days
I like seeing where I am and where I have been
because sometimes the shitty stuff needs to have a voice too
because being fragile is something we've all know at one time or another
I'm not that different from you
I have days that flow so beautifully
and I have days that I feel so lonely and splintered
that I question my very existence
I wonder if maybe I might be invisible
I wonder if maybe I should just turn the computer off and go to bed
I can lay in the dark and forget
Perhaps it would be nice to cover up the hurt and simply say I'm fine
I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine
How often to we do that
How are you today
I'm fine
Today I'm not fine
I'm fragile
sad
hungry
bitter
heavy
tired
on the edge
everything but fine

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