Sunday, March 19, 2006

MamaSaysOm - Hunger

Dear B,

Earlier in the week I read a very moving blog post by Megg about wanting. She was writing about being scared to want things, about not knowing how to want. As I read I felt myself nodding in recognition. I know about forgetting how to want. I know about denying the hunger. I don't know if it's a female thing or a human thing. But I do know it's true. At some point I have become scared of the disappointment of a dream that might not pan out the way I thought it would. Or, even more, of the success that might come if that dream really did come to fruition. So I stopped voicing my wants. I stopped listening to what my heart hungered for. I just stopped. And there was a part of me that also believed I would appear selfish if I wanted things for myself. Somehow I learned that if I was granted a wish I should use it for the greater good. It's better to wish for a cure for AIDS, world peace, or that hunger could be wiped from the face of the earth than to wish for dancing lessons, to have a poem published, or for a summer in Paris. I got the message that wanting for myself was wrong because my desires weren't as important as global social and economic issues. I've learned that lesson well, too well. But I'm also beginning to understand that there is a difference between being self-centered and being selfish. Self-centered doesn't see beyond the self. It doesn't see the needs of the world. It never steps out to connect and relate and heal. Being selfish is just wanting a little something for ourselves every once in awhile and there's nothing wrong with that. Selfish has gotten a bad rap but the word can be redeemed. What is wrong is when we start to believe that those hungers within need to be denied because they are wrong or bad. Why am I telling you all of this? For two reasons. One, I write these letters so that you will have a better understanding of me and this is part of who I am. I am a woman who has forgotten how to want and now must start to re-learn. Two, there are lessons we just have to learn the hard way. But, if there is anything I can give you now to help with those lessons I don't want to hold it back.

When the heart hungers, feed it, indulge it, satisfy it. The hunger is holy. Keep the hunger alive because that is what keeps us growing, and striving, and pushing deeper within. It's what makes us feel alive and what makes life worth living. When we live from our deepest hungers we become fuller and truer, the best version of ourselves. And how does the world not benefit from that? Bless the hunger. Listen to the hunger. Honor the hunger. Hunger is spirit's voice whispering, wanting a chance to show up.

Learning to want again,


Blogger Deb R said...

That photo made me go "aaawwww".

About wanting things for ourselves...someone told me once, the more you have, the more you have to give. Makes sense, yes?

10:50 PM  
Blogger Alexandra S said...

Your son is so lucky to have you for a mom! I really hope you print these letters and posts about him out and collect them in a beautiful book to give to him when he is old enough to truly understand them. They are so moving and precious.

12:40 AM  
Blogger megg said...

That was so beautiful and honest. I say it a lot - but he is a very lucky boy. I hope you continue to be able to want things for YOURSELF. thank you so much for this post. You are a daily inspiration!!

1:32 AM  
Blogger THE SCRIBE said...

Good things are happening right now for you, just give them time to unfold. All the great things in our life take time to evolve, they are coming from a far away source.wink...

9:19 AM  
Blogger mayseek life said...

looking at your most adorable son i tingle remembering the developing relationship with my son years ago. i really could not have imagined such a love. i realize time after time lately -the deep love that blossomed then gets us through the difficult moments of a boy becoming a man now. he left to return to school after spring break yesterday and as much as my heart breaks to see him leave--i need the rest!it's a beautiful cycle.

9:30 AM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i love how you
wrote this with such
and yet compassion/understanding...


10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...Keep the hunger alive...

Brilliant. We should live our lives remembering this.

10:18 AM  
Anonymous Nicole said...

Each year when people ask me what I want for my birthday, I can't name anything. This year, I had a list. Small things, but all things that will make me enjoy myself just a little bit more.

It feels good to have that list.

Thanks, as always, for this.

11:17 AM  
Blogger pinkcoyote said...

oh i love that you write letters to your baby boy like this. thanks for reminding me of myself-self care, taking care of me. my husband sometimes says, "when mommy's happy, everybody's happy." he doesn't mean i should get everything i want, but that i keep the homefire burning-when my needs are met, my yearnings recognized and honored, i give it back tenfold to everyone else.
just LOVE this post. thank you.

12:15 PM  
Anonymous wendy said...

I love to come here and be inspired by your amazing words.
thank you.
for reminding yourself, reminding your son, reminding me about life and the ways to live it!

7:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every time I come here I leave hungering. And yes, that is a complement.

Wonderful post. I really need to absorb this one.

8:37 PM  
Blogger yaya said...

I feel so honored that you share these beautiful words not only with your son but with all of us out here. I am a woman who is learning how to "roar" again and your site has helped me so much-Thankyou, Thankyou and Thankyou.

2:19 PM  

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