Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Wild


When I came to the last word of the poem I stopped. I couldn't turn the page. It wasn't because the poem had moved me, the climax leaving my heart paralyzed--although it was a good poem. It was that last final word the got me. Wild. That word climbed onto my shoulder and whispered into my ear. "Pay attention to me. Pay attention to how I just made you feel." One word had that much power and hold. Wild. That was the word. Wild. It played a game of tug-of-war with my heart. It tickled and tempted. It looked right passed the reserved exterior and into my naked soul. I was drawn. Captivated. I was uneasy and wanted to push it away. This one little word. Wild. When I was a child I wasn't allowed to be wild. Wild meant unruly and disobedient. Wild meant time-out, spankings, reprimands, and shame. When I became a teenager wild passed me right up. For the most part I was well behaved whereas wild meant rebellious and out of control. Wild meant being grounded, fighting with the parents, and being labeled things I didn't want to be labeled. When I entered my 20s I was ready to become an adult. No time to be wild. Wild meant irresponsible and childish. Wild meant undisciplined and sinful. Now that I'm a few years into my 30s that word has an all consuming appeal. It's a word my spirit longs to wrap its legs around. Now I can't get around its seductive implications. Now it stops me in my tracks and begs that I pay attention. Now wild means freedom. It means having nothing to loose. It means passion and fierceness. It means no longer holding back everything I've held back for so long. It means finally showing up. It means refusing to remain unseen and unheard. It means bold colors and even bolder actions. It means living out loud. It means raw and sexual and unsafe--but in a good way, because after all, my comfort zone has become, well, a little too comfortable. It means all the mistakes I need to make. It means finding myself in the unknown places. It means opening to wonder and daring to travel where I must travel. It means coming to the edge and daring to leap. It means throwing off all the limits of who I've always been. It means opening up to life and expression. It means taking the risk to become raw and vulnerable. It means stripping off the protective layers in order to get to the beauty of delicate air on soft pink skin. It's a word I want to fall into. And every time I see it I can't help but ask, "What are you waiting for?" Wild.

23 Comments:

Anonymous beansprout said...

So...what are you waiting for? Go wild, child! I think you gave yourself "permission" some posts ago. And you already have cultivated your "roar". So...what else is there to do except be WILD. Oh...your ever-present gypsy soul will definitely delight in this!

9:03 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

It sounds like you need to give yourself the gift of Wild-ness. What a lovely gift it could be.

I love the photo.

9:17 PM  
Blogger twistedsoda said...

I'm wild for wild!!! What a grand word it is!

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Janine said...

Life is too short to only give yourself glimpses of something so tantalising, go taste it for yourself!!

1:49 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

The call of the wild ~ when it shows up you have to answer! I wonder what wildness you'll get up to. I look forward to reading about the adventures of your wild soul.

3:58 AM  
Blogger megg said...

Sensational post! WOW, you have some serious wildness coming out lately! You said once that you hadn't read 'Women who run with the wolves' yet - do read it! The beginning especially makes you want to growl!! I am so excited to keep reading your posts as you go through these feelings - ROAR!!

4:12 AM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

everyday
i read your blog
and your words
and your thoughts
and i always
get the sense
that you are soooo
on the verge of something,
of something bigger than big,
stronger than strong...
wilder than wild...

and everyday
i anticipate your thoughts...
i wait for a quiet moment
to read them
so that i can
really
concentrate
on your words...

thank you for that
:)

5:26 AM  
Blogger melba said...

I don't always read the comments that other people write, but gkgirl said exactly what I was thinking. It seems you have all this energy, passion, desire...but then what to do with it all? Where to chanelle it all? Maybe you are suppose to be doing something else. I don't know what that is and I know the not knowing can be frustrating. You are doing an amazing job and service of expressing yourself in this forum. I wonder what is next for you...

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Charmaine said...

It's good to let go and be wild. And isn't it funny how many different definitions of "wild" there really are? I love the picture!

6:37 AM  
Blogger Josephine said...

Roar!
Where the wild things are is the funnest, freest, most fantastical place to be!!!

Wild is, indeed, a miraculous word....

7:25 AM  
Blogger snowsparkle said...

i like the image you chose to accompany your "wild" piece. it makes me wonder what my "wild" looks like. thanks as always for a very provocative piece. writing and art feel like safe outlets for me to go wild. go for it girl!

8:52 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

gkgirl has said what I felt after reading your post! Hi, I don't remember where I got your URL but I am plesently pleased that I did! Your words flow with magnetism, drawing the reader into your thoughts. This is a rear gift that's begging to be sheard with a hungery world! Have a good week, needless to say I love your work!

8:56 AM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

i lived in dallas for three years. i heard a lot about Lubbock. : )

i am sure you are a stand-out individual there with your creativity, poetry, funky~artsy ways.

your WILD~ness will be contagious and refreshing to all of those around you (including us in cyberworld).

dance on the street corners like Keri Smith's husband Jeff did.

thank you, wild girl...for your ever inspiring self.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous samantha said...

It is good to see wild turned upside down - it doesn't have to be considered 'bad' but open to adventure and new things. So go for it, wild woman!

10:38 AM  
Blogger tara dawn said...

This is amazing. I love how a single word can touch us so deeply, so completely, and lead us round and round a circular pathway of discovery. Your writing is beautiful as always, and your spirit even more beautiful.
xoxo

10:44 AM  
Blogger dani said...

isn't it weird how we've turned the word wild in reference to us into something that most people see as an uninhibited way of living.

wild should mean: real, authentic, innate, unpretentious, natural, animal, connected to nature.

it seems your wild child is screaming this big time in your ears!! go with the flow, it's where your sould wants to be.

1:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was it a poem you wrote or one you read?

3:01 PM  
Anonymous brenda said...

I grant you permission! be wild!

5:24 PM  
Blogger Alessandro_PPG said...

Blog bacana! Estou dando uma espiadinha! Abra├žos! Kisses!

5:37 PM  
Anonymous lela said...

you are able to put into words many of the things we go through as we age...
growing into ourselves... searching... discovering... celebrating...

xoxoxoxoxo

7:22 PM  
Blogger Frankie said...

I am WILD about this post! It is a really fabulous word, and always seems to tug at my soul as an invitation for the life I want to lead. For whatever reason, I have yet to fully accept. What ARE we waiting for? I don't know, but I feel like slowly the words are seeping in, the small bits of courage and inspiration that will allow me to say "it's time." Wonderful, wonderful post friend!

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

Beautiful, Michelle. And it gave me pause, thinking about 'wild.' Reading your post had me time-traveling at lightning speed back through my life...how I've veered dramatically back and forth on the wild spectrum...food for thought...

Here's hoping your wildness can feel safe to expose itself. It's all RIGHT THERE. Ask yourself: what's the worst thing that could happen if I pull out all the stops and let myself be who I'm craving to be? If you can live with the answer, then you HAVE your answer.

8:51 AM  
Blogger andrea said...

girl, that's a word that I can really get behind.

6:41 PM  

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