Tuesday, December 27, 2005

SPT {Reflections-4]

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
I finished reading The Secret Life of Bees on the way to and from Mamaw's funeral. It was one of those books that came just when I needed it most. It was one of those sweet reminders that I need every now and again. I read Sue Monk Kidd's Dance of the Dissident Daughter the summer before last so I was familiar with her search for the Goddess. I had begun my own search a couple of years earlier and reading her memoir I could have sworn she had been living in my closet--same Southern Baptist upbringing, same experienced subordination, same aching for something more, same stares as if she'd gone off the deep end when she began to search for that something more. But you know how life is... Little things happen, like motherhood, that get you distracted and focused on other important life issues. For the past few weeks I've really been aching for something that I didn't know how to name. I just knew I wanted something. The past couple of days I've been realizing what that something is. I was missing my search...my search for the Goddess in my life. And then I opened this book and found Lily's story. She ached for a mother. I ached for a Holy Mother. I finished the final few chapters in the car, head bent low, hand shielding my face so that I could cry through it in solitude. I cried because I need that strong community of women in search of the same thing. I cried because I have been carrying the curse of Eve around for too long and I'm ready for it to melt in the power of a feminine divinity. I cried because I so desperately want The Black Madonna of Breznichar of Bohemia or Our Lady in Chains, and what they represent--a divinity who looks like me and can relate to me. I cried because although I don't want Lily's story, that is too much pain for any one person to have to carry, I sure do want her ending...finding what she'd been aching for...finally finding it buried in her own heart and in the hearts of the women who love her most. I cried because I have a way of forgetting that what I hunger for the most is right here...right here...
"The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters."
Then she lifted her voice. "What is bound will be unbound. What is cast down will be lifted up. This is the promise of Our Lady."
"There is nothing perfect," August said from the doorway. "There is only life."
"And when you get down to it, Lily, that's the only purpose grand enough for a human life. Not just to love--but to persist in love."


Blogger acumamakiki said...

amen girlfriend.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I haven't yet read any of Sue Monk Kidd's books and this makes me think I need to.

(I'm another former S.B. who simply can't believe that way anymore.)

5:53 PM  
Anonymous samantha said...

That's the name of the book I picked up! HOw cool that you already read it...

I'm so glad you found that something that heals you. Can't wait to hear more about this journey...

6:42 PM  
Blogger bella said...

That was a beautiful post. August was my favorite character.

7:10 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

beautiful. beautiful. your honesty and willingness to share with us is amazing. thank you. such a good book to start the healing.
i am assuming mamaw is trey's grandmother. i hold you all in my thoughts tonight.
thank for the reminder "there is only life" - exactly what i needed tonight.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Michelle Fry said...

Persisting in love is the ultimate act of self love. Carry on thou good and faithful servent you are divine.

10:03 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i'm so getting that book now.

4:22 AM  
Anonymous beansprout said...

Wonderful post. It is so powerful when we can begin to name the things we truly want in our hearts. Persist in love...just what I need to hear. Thanks so much.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Swirly said...

WOW. I read this book last year and was also very moved by it. Your journal entry reminded me of why I loved it so much. Beautiful, beautiful entry. THANK YOU.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Wow, I like the book even more after reading that, it was a beautiful story.

9:01 AM  
Blogger kelly said...

amen - sista!

9:41 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

It is such a wonderful book, isn't it? I read it and loved it all, and loved those women.

After reading it I promptly went out and bought The Mermaid Chair, which wasn't to my taste at all. I'll have to check out Dance of the Dissident Daughter.

10:03 AM  
Blogger melba said...

I got chills when I read your post. So many times you write what I am feeling too. It scares me a bit and offers me relief and validation. I received a Borders gift card for Christmas and now I know what 2 books I will buy. They have both been recommended to me before, but maybe I wasn't meant to read them until now.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Server Girl said...

very cute SPT..i had to get my tree put away before i killed Cricket...she jumped on it EVERYDAY...nice to see that yours is still hanging in there with the little one around:)

3:33 PM  
Blogger twistedsoda said...

I so loved that book! Made me think of so many things and conjure up new ideas and dreams. It is definitely on my top 10 list! You are so right, we all do need a little goddess in our lives right now!

8:40 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

I often read a book and want so badly to find friends just like the characters. None of my friends ever seem as real as the characters in books. Maybe that's why books are so dear to me.

12:49 PM  

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