Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Me v. Them

they* think I've fallen off the deep end and become a backslider without hope
but really, I just want something more
they want me to come home, to come back to what's familiar
they don't realize I'm on a journey, and this journey is more home than I've ever known before
they think I've changed, they don't recognize me any more
and I have, I have changed--I'm happy
they truly believe I'm doing my son a disservice, how will he find the way
I think I'm giving him a gift I never had by choosing to trust his spirit
they pray for my wayward soul and assume I must be miserable being this far from their truth
I remember who I was before and pray to never go back
they insist I need to confess and repent, turning from my current life
the truth is I finally love my life
they're afraid I'm straying beyond safe boundaries and limits, that I need to respect the rules
I'm not afraid, not afraid to push beyond the limits, explore the boundaries, and question the rules
they think I've become a little arrogant
I call it self-sufficiency, self-acceptance, self-esteem
they remind me where I came from and who I am
I keep moving forward, stumbling into a greater truth
they like to categorize everything into neat boxes--good/bad, right/wrong, us/them
I'm blowing my boxes wide open
they tell me to love the sinner but hate the sin
I really just want to love--period
they fear I've turned my back on God
how can I? Goddess is here, right here, within my spirit
they don't understand what I want
it's simple--I want freedom, permission, grace
they'll never be able to give me these things
I choose to give them to myself
they don't get me, they miss me every time
and that does make me a little sad because who doesn't want to be seen and heard and known
but they can't
so I have to let it go
they look at me and shake their heads in disbelief and disappointment
I shake my head too--in wonder that this could really be my life, my pilgrimage
how lucky am I?

*special note: "they" isn't any specific group or people. it is some generalized other that I have managed to create along the way. and even though I know "they" doesn't really exist I still have to battle their voices often. maybe my "they" was actually one person in my past who scolded me for being too big for my britches. or maybe my "they" is just some compilation of expectations that I have imagined existed for me. regardless of what influenced the creation of this fictitious group, it likes to stir up my fears, remind me of my limits, and create excuses that keep me from living up to my full potential. and there are times, like today, that I just have to counter back and remind myself of the truth--my truth.


Anonymous Nicole said...


8:10 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

Your "they" sounds very much like my "they". I know exactly where my "they" came from, but still can't always stop myself from hearing them. I love your response. Beautiful pic too!

9:01 PM  
Blogger snowsparkle said...

i applaud your courage to be who you are where you are. if you ever get weary, california would love to have you... especially the sf bay area. without being judging, let me just say there are fewer of "them" and more of "us" here. feels pretty free to me. loved your piece, your peace today.-- big hugs--- snowsparkle

9:05 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

I relate to this post so much and am so thankful for your brave words. You are very lucky to be on this journey. To love your life more than ever before. I love the image of blowing those boxes wide open!

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Toryssa said...

Your truth is the only one you've got, and you are right to stand up for it!

10:50 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

This post makes me think of some of the reactions my friends had when I began to really pursue my dreams. Some friendships fell away as "they" shook their heads at me and thought I was ridiculous and asking for too much from life...

11:35 PM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

It's very hard to stand up for what you believe in, especially when there are others that think they know better. You are on your own spiritual journey with the goddess/gods close at hand and heart, you will percevere (can't spell, pfft.)

3:45 AM  
Blogger kelly said...

amen too...

5:38 AM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

Sometimes my 'they' are like a Greek chorus in a Woody Allen film...and I really just want them to shut the f*** up. :) So happy for you that you're in the process of separating the 'they' from the 'you.' Blessings to you on your continued journey. Beautiful post, Michelle.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

wow, I could really relate to this. It's not an Imaginary "they" though. I believe stepping away from what is familar and ingraninedin us and walking toward what you see as truth is the hardest thing a person can do, at least it is for me.

7:36 AM  
Blogger red sun said...

you are blessed to know your truth. it's so hard to find where "they" end and you begin. you're living it and loving it... beautiful!

7:39 AM  
Blogger Living Part Deux said...

Owning the journey. Blocking out the cacophony. Abandoning the battle. Finding your own quietness and listening, listening. Hearing. Finding. Embracing. Bless you.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Frankie said...

I love this, this poetic description of the fight versus the many "they" figures. I often feel like I am fighting "them" which I also use as a broad term with no real target in mind, that I need "their" approval even though I tell myself I don't. The line "they don't realize I'm on a journey, and this journey is more home than I've ever known before" could be the anthem to my life. Our lives are constantly moving, growing, changing. Sometimes that means having to leave "them" behind, but you will be that much closer to you and in the end, that makes it all worth it. Lovely post!

9:07 AM  
Anonymous Dina said...

Beautiful and such an awesome photo.

10:27 AM  
Blogger dpsinger said...

i battle with "them" constantly. thank you for the truth...

12:08 PM  
Blogger bella said...

This was really beautiful and inspiring.
I love your writing.

1:41 PM  
Blogger melba said...

I love the community your posts always brings out. I often get frustrated about why I haven't met anyone in person who thinks like I do. I am comforted by your words and by the reactions of those who comment on your blog. I know I am not alone. It helps keep me motivated to have my feelings validated. Thankyou.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

Thank you so much for your honest heart! I think we all have a "they"...and "they" can tell us all kinds of things. I'm glad you are learning you...apart from all of that other...

Blessings on this continued journey!

3:26 PM  
Anonymous courtney said...

Wow for not having a specific group intended for that sure did completely explain my relationship with my parents. I mean that could have (if I was as gifted a writer as you)come straight out of my mind.

8:28 PM  

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