Saturday, December 24, 2005

MamaSaysOm - Tradition


Dear Britton,

It's Christmas Eve and I'm remembering...
...traveling to Grandad and Meme's for Christmas
...Meme sleeping with us on the floor, under the tree, as we anxiously waited for Santa's arrival
...our paper signs placed around the room letting Santa know exactly where to leave our gifts so they wouldn't get mixed up with someone else's
...eating until our tummy's wanted to burst
...homemade stockings hung on the wall, each one lovingly crafted by Meme to reflect personality and memories
...bidding on presents using our "Meme Bucks"
...all the cousins together
...laughter
...some rough-housing
...but above all, love
This is where you come from--
a group of people bound together by blood, spirit and traditions,
traditions created to form a sense of unity, uniqueness, and belonging,
traditions that remind each person that they are home.

And your presence has breathed new life into my days.
We are beginning to establish our own traditions...
...shopping for Santa's cookies on Christmas Eve day
...sprinkling magic reindeer food in the yard so they can lead Santa to our house
...hanging Santa's special key on the doorknob
...my attempt to make us new stockings each year.

This year Christmas has a new significance that will be remembered for years to come.
Mamaw passed away early this morning.
She fought for over a week but her body just couldn't do it anymore.
It's difficult to know what to tell you.
I don't want to hide anything, and you have been asking questions.
But you are also only two-and-a-half.
Death isn't something most adults understand.
So I'm trying.
Trying to give you enough to stay honest but not overload you to the point that you are confused and scared.
You keep asking if Papaw and Mamaw are getting better.
All I know to say is yes
because they are
both of them
just in two very different ways.
You tell me your bear is mad about Mamaw.
I tell you it's okay to be mad.
You whisper your prayers,
"God help Mamaw and Papaw"
and I remind you,
"God is love, within us, and around us."

You are sleeping.
I'm sure visions of sugar plums are dancing in your head.
Daddy and I are finishing up last minute gift wrapping
while watching one of my favorite holiday flicks--Love Actually.
Tomorrow morning will be full of laughter and excitement and
today's sorrow will be set on the backburner.
For you we will not stop honoring the most valued traditions our family knows
...loving
...giving
...playing
...laughing

Sleep sweet one. Santa's on his way.
You are loved...deeply
Mommy

14 Comments:

Blogger ArtsyMama said...

What a lovely post. So sad and yet hopeful at the same time. I'm so sorry to hear about Mamaw. My heart goes out to you and your family. May you enjoy the magic of Christmas morning where everything seems anew.

10:04 PM  
Anonymous Beansprout said...

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Somehow I just feel that she'll be at the table tomorrow in spirit...blessing you all. Be tender with yourself.

10:51 PM  
Anonymous irene said...

merry, happy Christmas to you and your family.

11:45 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. It's hard at any time, but especially hard now. I hope you'll still have a lovely Christmas and will feel her love all around you.

7:12 AM  
Blogger bella said...

What a beautiful picture, beautiful post.
My heart is with you during this sad period.
May your holiday be as joyful as it can be.

8:24 AM  
Blogger kelly said...

michelle...as always such a poignant post. my thoughts
are with you today, just as they
were during christmas eve mass last nite.

enjoy you day and britton - what
a precious picture

k

10:28 AM  
Blogger ESB said...

Sorry to hear your news.....Hope you all have a good Christmas somehow......

11:01 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

Merry Christmas and my deepest sympathy for your family Michelle. I'm sorry for Trey's loss, and I hope despite the sadness, that somehow today is filled with joy.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Frankie said...

So many happy, beautiful memories! I showed this to my mom and it made her cry, thinking of our christmas pasts. I'm so sorry for your loss, my dear, but am grateful you have such a wonderful family to be there with you. All my love this Christmas and more. xoxo

7:06 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

oh...i'm sorry for your family's loss

and britton is so sweet about it
"my bear is mad..."
how heartbreaking is that?

best wishes

4:45 AM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

Oh, Michelle, so sorry to hear the news about Trey's grandmother. This is a beautiful letter...Christmas traditions are to be cherished.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

This is so beautiful and amazingly positive during what must be a really hard time for you. I am glad you got to see the excitement in your son's eyes Christmas morning as a break from the sad loss you've had.

4:20 PM  
Blogger firstborn studio said...

dreamy beautiful child.
healthy,warm,healing words.
i know,that you know...all will be well.
thinking of you,
denise

4:45 AM  
Blogger andrea said...

I know I'm late to the scene here, but oh how I love how you share the christmas magic here. lovelovelove.

12:58 AM  

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