Saturday, December 17, 2005

A Great Big Sigh of Relief

Tomorrow is another day.
Thank god.
The sun is out.
I'm breathing.
Britton is better.
The Christmas tree is up and decorated.
The stockings are hung.
The house is spotless.
The laundry is washed.
All my Christmas shopping is complete.
Britton is spending the night with his grandparents.
Trey and I are home alone.
My soft pillow and warm bed are calling.
My weekly letter to Britton can wait.
Everything else can wait.
And I feel 100 times lighter than I did yesterday.
A great big sigh of relief.

An update on Trey's grandparents...His grandfather is recovering well. He is still being observed but is expected to be discharged within the next couple of days. His grandmother however is still not doing well. Her brain has continued to bleed and each CAT scan is progressively worse. She remains in a coma. The family has been told she may not make it through the weekend. It's hard in times like these to know what to pray. I believe we are more than a body. And I believe our bodies aren't designed to live forever. But when you love someone you can't help but plead for their recovery and healing. It's hard to even contemplate praying that the spirit will release and let go. Even though logic says that may be what's best. The heart wants something different...a miracle. And miracles do happen...sometimes. And both life and death are miracles. Death is just a hell of a lot harder to accept as a miracle. Death includes loss and grief and missing. And none of those feel good. And so when I try to pray I come up silent. I have no words. Just a sigh...a deep sigh. And that is enough...words aren't needed...a sigh is more than enough when the heart is confused, bruised and empty.


Blogger Trish said...

I'm so relieved that today is back to normal for you. You even sound better in Spirit :O)

I'm sorry about Trey's grandmother. I'm praying for her and your family.


10:01 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I'm glad things are so much better for you today Michelle. So happy to hear that Britton and Trey's grandfather are both doing better. I will hold his grandmother and all your family in my thoughts.

And I still haven't given up hope that your journal will turn up somewhere.

5:52 AM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i'm glad you are feeling better...
i also felt a sigh of releif as i read
what you wrote.

i'm sorry about trey's grandmother
and don't really know what else to say
except that i will keep her and your family in my thoughts.

your card is being mailed today.

6:28 AM  
Blogger Bethany said...

I agree...sometimes all we can do it sit and sigh at times like that. I'm so glad to hear that both your boy and Trey's grandfather are doing better. I will pray for his grandmother...and for the both of you! Lots of hugs today...

8:51 AM  
Blogger bella said...

You so eloquently expressed your feelings. On the outised everything looks perfect, on the inside, part happiness, part sadness.
Your husband's grandmother is in my prayers.

10:32 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

Ok, so I'm very jealous that you have grandparents close by that allow you and Trey to have a night alone. We still haven't had that happen yet, but I remain hopeful.

I will also keep Trey's grandmother in my thoughts.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Frankie said...

Sometimes the world suddenly seems to burst open with just a simple sigh, that release of a breathe and a heavy heart all at once. I'm sorry to hear about Trey's grandmother. It's so difficult to ever really know what to wish for, where that line between being selfish and being hopeful lies at times like this. What I wish most is that whatever happens, you will find peace.

12:40 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

You have expressed yourself so honestly here. A sigh is more than enough when the heart is full of so much...yet feels empty. I agree. Take care of yourself, Trey, Britton. I am thinking about all of you and hoping for a miracle - in whatever form it needs to be in.
Blessings and peace to you all today.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Living Part Deux said...

I believe that our sighs are translated by the heart of God. I know how those dark nights feel when words and thoughts will not even form in your mind. I believe your sighs are enough.

I'm grateful for you that you are restful and lighter tonight.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

As someone who once witnessed her grandmother's coma in the hospital, I understand. Holding you in my thoughts...glad you had a better day...

7:43 PM  
Anonymous beansprout said...

You and those you love are in my thoughts and prayers. So much is communicated to the Universe with the release of a sigh. Peace and abundant blessings.

8:06 PM  
Blogger Michelle Fry said...

I'm still sending good thoughts to Trey's grandparents, especially grandma.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I'm sorry you are all going through this. It's so hard to see family we love hurt. I'm sorry.

2:51 PM  
Blogger *aimee* said...

I am so glad you are feeling better. It's been a rough go for you, the last few days. I haven't left a comment in quite a while but I am still an advent fact, I look at your blog daily! I have been praying for your family (particularly the grandparents) and your peace of mind. Life can be so challenging and it seems that one inevitably follows another. Enjoy your rest and have a beautiful holiday.

7:19 PM  
Anonymous Donna-Maria said...

How is his Grandmother doing? Keep me posted.

12:16 PM  

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