Saturday, October 15, 2005

Fighting the Invisible


Sometimes, when the day's been rough,
and you've been whiney,
and I've been impatient,
and you've thrown a tantrum,
and I've gotten flustered,
and you've hit me,
and I've spanked you,
and you've yelled,
and I've yelled back,
and you've cried,
and I've cried too,
and somehow the day has gotten terribly off track,
and the laughter and gaiety I'd imagined when I awoke
has turned into messy tears,
and I'm sitting quietly,
agonized by shame and guilt,
you looking on, wondering what's wrong,
until finally we hug and kiss and make up,
promising not to fight again,
but still not quite erasing my fears of how this will effect you
and what you'll be telling a therapist about me in years to come,
I wonder
who am I fighting
really
you
myself
or my own invisible childhood memories
that have fought their way to the surface of my mind
since I've become a mother
and just won't seem to let me go.

10 Comments:

Blogger Server Girl said...

my sister will like this post...she probably can relate. i like how u wrote it..u always have great things to say.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Heidi is right, I love this post. It's like you went inside my mind and wrote what I feel. Someday this is exactly what happens. It's hard being a mom. I'm so scared I'm going to mess my kids up just by being my self, flawed. !

9:22 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

By the way that post I made with the collage pictures was done with Picassa. I think you can download it for free. I store all my picuters on it, and you can edit them too.

9:23 PM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

Lovely post. I think you must be channeling me and my girl because this weekend has been a lot of whining, fighting, tears and guilt. The picture says it all.

4:39 AM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

A common feeling for so many Moms...expressed beautifully.

5:02 AM  
Blogger *aimee* said...

I think you are truly an amazing writer. You have a beautiful ability to capture the heart and emotion of this world and articulate it in a way that your audience relates to. I don't have children of my own, as I am trying to finish a degree right now but I am so inspired by honest outlook of parenting. By the way, I love your new look, it’s very classy.

9:15 AM  
Blogger DayByDay4-2Day said...

Now that my children are teenagers I often wonder if bad situations of the past are to blame for the reason that they are the way they are and if in the future the chain will ever break.

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Hanna said...

Beautiful picture - difficult text to grasp and read. I hope the spankin isn't as bas as I get a picture of in my head (I have a big imagination and allways picture the worst, sorry), probably not to bad, right? I don't have children so I don't know how it can be, I hope you have lots of days with nothing like this - only the hugs! I think love can cover up lots of bad things we do/and say in anger.

Take care of you and that little cutie of yours! :-)

12:16 PM  
Blogger Glamorous Jo said...

I want to be a Mom so terribly....and then....I'm terrified to be a Mom.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Max said...

I relate to this SO much. This illustrates every day of my life since the birth of my daughter 2 years ago. Becoming a mom really does unleash a torrent of all kinds of emotions, sometimes all at once. Thanks for commenting on my blog - it has lead to me yours and to these heartfelt thoughts.

2:18 PM  

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