Monday, August 22, 2005

My Moment with the Moon

I hold back. I don't always follow my intuition. I don't always act on my instincts. I sometimes feel like a prisoner in my own body. My body wants to act but I won't let it. I don't give that hug I'd like to give, I don't make that phone call, I don't dance to the rhythm surrounding me. So many, many ways I hold back. Maybe it's because once, as a child, I did let go and as a result was reprimanded. Maybe I was told I was a little too big for my britches and I promised never to be that big again. Maybe we all learn it, the fear, the need to be accepted.
It's usually still dark when I leave the house for my morning walk. Very few people are out and about. I'm alone and have the sidewalk to myself. I hear nothing but my feet on the pavement, the morning melody of the birds, and the soft wind in my ears. This walk isn't so much about exercise. It's more about centering, about meditation, and about prayer. A way to connect before I encounter the day. I get lost in my thoughts most mornings, lost in all I want to release and all I want to fill me. But every once in awhile something from the outside breaks in. This morning it was the moon, peering from behind the clouds, its luminosity forming silver and gold circles against the dark sky, it's radiance magnified by the grey clouds. It stopped me in my tracks. And for once I didn't hold back. I sat right in the middle of the street and enjoyed its glow for a few sweet seconds...still a little worried about who might see me, still a little uncertain of what I might look like. When I got home I had not had enough. So I lay in the wet grass and let its beams cover me. By now even the stars were starting to peek through the clouds and together, me, the moon, the stars, and the clouds, had a sweet moment that has stayed with me throughout the day. Perhaps I need more moments with the moon. Perhaps I need to care less about what I might look like. Perhaps I need to relax and trust that spirit in me that so longs to live in harmony, connection, and freedom.


Blogger Heather said...

Hmm it's 6am and it's dark and i'm on the internet. I think you've just inspired me to go and get my shoes on and go for a walk before my hubby and kids get up. Thanks

5:59 AM  
Blogger dpsinger said...

i love this one... beautiful writing. i am inspiried to get up before dawn. ~dps

2:56 PM  
Blogger Maya Stein said...

this is just lovely. how wonderful to have such a moment of...communion. i get them, too, every once in a while, and it seems to happen in the midst of being somewhere proximate to the natural world. it's precious and poignant all at once. to feel so...visible to yourself like that. to understand something about the larger picture amid the smaller, busier, chaotic things we carry during the day. it's a gift.

thank you.

4:41 PM  

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